On the beginning of what I hope will be a beautiful year, I am wondering. Am I stuck? Not stuck as in without a choice, but stuck in a pattern, unchanging, unmoving, unexciting. Yes, I have moved to a completely different city. But my life, has it really changed? I still hangout with a bunch of preppy bankers, granted now they carry different passports and speak in different accents. Our topic of conversation still revolves around FCF, Hermes ties, and expensive restaurants. My life still consist of massive amount of banking and drinking, with sparingly little in between. I still feel just as lost and confused as before in New York, except now with the added complexity of losing control of stability.
I have discussed this with my friend, who is an expat from Australia. Being in a foreign country, our emotions run wild. In New York, while I felt a wide range of emotions, the band and strength of them seems insignificant compared to what I am feeling here. Whether its anger and sadness or happiness and contentment, the range and strength of emotions I feel here is vast. In fact, I am afraid I have already lost control of those emotions on several occasions. Is it an adjustment period? Or simply because we're not home where our stability is?
I do like it here, but am I going anywhere? Is being here a lull into bland satisfaction? Do I take the courage to reach for something better and risk sacrifice what I know now? What should I do?
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